Many folks think BDSM and such is all about the chains, whips and apparent brutality. They never look beyond that before dismissing it contemptuously--commonly doing so only as a defence-display to mask that it either arouses them sexually, or on the level of simple curiosity.
BDSM means first and foremost being honest with yourself, about your tastes, interests, how far your willing to go, what you will do, won't do, what you'd be will to try and what you refuse to even consider.
It's twisted, in that it's largely about stage-dressing and suspension-of-disbelief--like a haunted house at a carnival, but built on a solid core of absolute granite-like honesty.
That's what BDSM means, and it's a handy tag, but it's so far from being complete.
Dominance & Submission--the age old aspect of Human interaction, and interaction amongst many species in the animal kingdom also. D & S is the core of the whole thing, and there are those, like myself, who are driven by our nature, by every fibre of who we are to Dominate...
...just as there are those who do genuinely crave to Submit.
In BDSM, one meets the other, and both sides get what they want and need. It's symbiotic, really.
The Sadism and Masochism, again, one meets the other and both get what they want and need. Part of being a Dominant means being able to, and enjoy, inflicting pain and discomfort.
The difference between a Dominant in the BDSM world and a psychotic though is the difference between a stone and an orange. Psychopaths don't care about Consenuality, or any Human considerations. All they care about is self-gratification.
Dominants, like myself and my long-time friends in the BDSM Lifestyle do not ever practice Sadism on those unwilling and not dedicated by their own volition as our submissives and slaves.
As an example, Our household has two animals, Georgina and our new Kitten Vesta. I go somewhat out of my way at times to ensure Vesta is safe, happy, comfortable and to make sure she knows with bedrock-certainty that she is a very-much-loved member of the family.
Georgina, is a full-grown Cat and well-able to make herself comfortable (She's mostly or entirely Lynx--and totally unafraid to demand her share of attention--I found her behind a trashbin when she was a very small, lost kitten) bit to be sure, she receives all the attention a cat could want and is one of the brightest lights in my life.
The Mare & Fillies, to use my own life as an example...
Within the realm of BDSM, I torment them, tease them, torture them with great satisfaction and pleasure, the more they resist--the greater the pleasure in making them submit to my will, control and Dominating them.
BUT, outside of such, I care for them a great deal and take pains to ensure they're safe, happy, comfortable and feel secure.
I have their Birthdays and the Anniversary of Marlene's and my Wedding tattooed on the inside edge of my left wrist, hidden by my watchband, but always readily visible when washing my hands.
Because I'll not hurt them by forgetting such important dates.
This brings me to the other core aspect of BDSM...that being the combination of love, respect, and trust.
Keep in mind, that in bondage, you very literally have someone's life entirely in your hands...which is part of the thrill for both parties, Dominant & Submissive.
With genuine love, trust and respect, there's the freedom to act on the Dominant's side, and the freedom to enjoy the 'Edge' of the thrill without genuine worry or such.
The appearance of Menace is somewhat vital, but it is pure illusion...suspension of disbelief.
Brianna and Lhana, my two Fillies, and favorite 'victims' to terrify and terrorize. Yes, this makes me sound like Jack The Ripper crossed with Hannibal Lecter, but that's the surface...
Fear, is an aphrodisiac. Roller coasters, scary movies watched in the dark, ghost stories told around a campfire...
Humanity loves fear, it gets the blood pumping the adrenalin going and it also acts to arous sexually, as a later secondary effect, but fear itself also heightens sexual interactions.
Fear, terror,dread and apprehension...and all mixed with anticipation That is a key aspect of BDSM. Hence why blindfolds are so popular in it.
Restraints also figure prominently in this also, obviously enough. Such adds to the heightening of sensation as the mind becomes more 'interested' in such because the capacity for any kind of defense or escape is removed from the equation.
|An Inspirational image that is leading into a new addition to the toy chest for the Mare & Fillies--ideal for Brianna|
|Duct Tape...one of the most useful items when dealing with a defiant Filly.|
|Another picture I'm drawing on for design inspiration|
The Mare and Fillies are always genuinely Safe...I always look ahead five to ten steps and scrutinize my plans with a paranoiac intensity to look ahead for any problems that could be harmful, or merely detract from their experience. ALL of them have had their Safeword seriously imprinted into their minds, and I always reserve the right to scale-back or stop things at my discretion if I suspect something might be wrong and the girls are being overly-brave about it.
Also, to ensure safety against circulation issues, each of them takes one aspirin with a full glass of water before we begin. These days, they all do so every morning with breakfast as it has other benefits in general also.
I, like most folks, work better with Q & A format, so if you have any questions, go right ahead and ask them by leaving a comment and I will reply.
Also, Thank-You for your interest and reading of my blog.